The Turbulent One Stories and Chaos

Do you love first, deal with any pain later, or assume the worst, and love later?

Answer here

I am really, really glad I can’t remember much of my teenage years. PTSD can be a blessing sometimes. I only remember certain parts, and I’m reminded of college only when I see the artwork I completed. I was so, so unwell for such a long time, it’s actually frightening to me. How could anyone have just let me get that bad? Why wasn’t I helped back then? I shouldn’t wonder too much, not that things get me down very much any more.

I had someone from college threaten me with something he apparently did when I was in college. I have no recollection whatsoever. I barely remember it at all. We won’t get into his obvious character flaws for even thinking of threatening me with something in the past.

I know why I don’t, which is both bad and good, but maybe after long term therapy I will be able to, again, could be good or bad.

It surprises me sometimes, things like that would get me down before - now I’m indifferent. Though it bothers me enough to talk about it - it’s not enough to affect my mood in any way.

I think this means I’m really getting better.

I actually have an urge to do an updatey thing, it’s been 2 weeks or so since I’ve had any time online - my PSU for my laptop died and it took that long for a new one to arrive. That, coupled with my phone needing a PhD in Fuckery to get it to charge has left me feeling pretty fucking isolated from people. Not that it’s been completely bad, me and Tristan have been going outside on walks a lot, so I’m losing even more weight, getting back to my normal size again. I’ve also been getting stuff for the wedding sorted - wedding has been postponed until April/May next year, mainly because it co-incides with me being in a good state of mental health, October is one of the worst times for me, as is February - but April/May is great, the sun is out, everything can go to plan.

So far we’ve decided on a ‘Wonderland’ theme, more akin to the latest film, with less emphasis on card games and chess, but more on the crazy fantastical colours and over-saturation therein. We’re having a registrar ceremony in the morning/mid afternoon, and hopefully having a humanist ceremony, high tea and a buffet thing in Tristan’s folks field in Besthorpe. The field is gorgeous, and right next to the Fleet river, where you can get freshwater oysters, though I wouldn’t even think of eating them, they looked gross.

Gonna make it all sorta bohemian wonderland maybe too, haven’t quite sketched things out yet.

We were actually supposed to have moved into the flat by now, but there was some problems with our guarantor being on holiday and being unable to sign the papers etc, so we’re waiting til the end of this week instead. We went to Ikea with our Mums, and got most of our kitchen stuff, so at least we’ll be able to eat, even if we haven’t got a lot of furniture haha.

I’m going to bake some stuff for Tris’s Mum, she paid for our Ikea stuff, and seeing as I’m only slightly better off than being piss poor and monetary gestures aren’t what do it for her, I think my badass baking skills will suffice.

I’m kinda weirded out by how annoyed I was that my power cable thingie died, 2 weeks is kinda a lot when you can’t really get your internet fix. Hah.